Invariably if the person I’m speaking to has been single at any point in the last decade, then yes, they know exactly what I mean, because if there’s one scenario that’s become endemic amongst myself and my peers, it’s our inability to define a relationship after the first five or six dates. Is it too soon to refer to someone as your boyfriend? If you’ve been on 12 dates with someone, you really don’t still want to be seeing other people do you?But if you’re not seeing anyone else, and you’re seeing a lot of each other what on earth is it if it’s not a relationship?One friend (who wishes to remain anonymous lest her non-boyfriend reads this) explains: “I’ve been seeing this guy for four months now – we’re dating and see each other a couple of times a week.However, if anyone refers to me as his girlfriend in front of him, the colour drains from his face.You are now in a limbo where you aren’t his girlfriend but agreed to exclusivity and have changed YOUR dating behavior extremely. But essentially, in this case, this boy is your Non-BF. This can be fun and amazing, but tricky and dangerous, too.This will prove to be very inconvenient and annoying when he lives his life normally, and you have to curb yours by not going on dates with other people — even though he’s not giving you the attention you should probably be getting from the people you would be going on dates with (who you can’t go on dates with because you agreed not to see other people). If either of you break the no feelings rule, you can’t go back.I’m not judging – I can see how easy it is to get into that situation.
Since I was introduced to the term by an old roommate, I’ve called every guy I’ve dated for more than a few dates, my “Non Boyfriend” (Non-BF), partially because I just didn’t know whether it would be ok for me to call them my boyfriend, and also because I am a commitment-phobe and never know whether or not I actually WANT to call someone my boyfriend, even if they are. Because of this, in your dating life span you can have very few BFs and many Non-BFs (helping you keep your “BF number down” much like the recyclables in the “sea” help keep your “sxy number” down).in essence, she is his girlfriend in everything but name.And that's okay because, contrary to those bemoaning the supposed death of monogamy, it's clearly not the monogamy that freaks him out, but rather, monogamy's prescribed terminology.There are the types of people in the world who are quick to jump into calling someone their boyfriend/girlfriend after a few dates.Then there are the types of people in the world (like me) who never know how many dates it will take for it to be appropriate to call someone your boyfriend (or girlfriend)… I’m dating this guy who is basically my boyfriend, but he is my non-boyfriend — a term I used when we were non-exclusive, and a term I continue to use even though we are now exclusive. Plus: Navigating The Map Of Whore Island What is a Non-BF? You can call many guys you’ve dated a Non-BF, referencing anyone that you are seeing consistently but isn’t your BF.Casual dating So, are you still in the non-exclusive stage of casual dating where hearts are fluttering with affection, but nothing’s too sure just yet? This doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship; it means you’re both helping each other with sexual frustration.